I once asked Michael Pollock, a well-known third culture kid specialist, “Can you point me to a resource that takes the challenges of growing up as a TCK and filters them through the Word of God?” He thought for a minute and said, “If a resource like that exists, I’m not familiar with it.”
This was mind-blowing to me. How could so much great information be available about the challenges that TCKs face as they grow up “between worlds” with lives that are full of loss, change, instability, transitions, and grief, but yet virtually none of that literature introduces scriptural hope or biblical wisdom to help those families face the challenges?
I confess, prior to my conversation with Michael, who happens to be the son of TCK pioneer David Pollock, I already had strong suspicions that, while many authors have highlighted and identified the unique challenges of growing up between worlds, very few look to God’s Word for answers or solutions. That conversation confirmed my suspicions.
Maybe we should back up a bit and make sure we’re all on the same page. Third culture kids, or TCKs, are kids who spend a portion, usually at least 2-3 years, of their formative years growing up in a country outside of their parent’s passport country. They work to build relationships within all the places they live, but they rarely have full ownership of any of the cultures they interact with. That includes their passport culture as well. They are global nomads and cultural hybrids who have an expectation of returning to their legal (passport) country when they grow up.
The TCK community consists of many subgroups of kids but the one we’re focused on is a group that we know and love: missionary kids.
Missionary kids make up a large part of the TCK community but what makes them categorically different from other groups within the TCK community is our assumption that they are part of the faith community – that they are born again through the completed work of Christ on the cross. Here’s why that’s important:
Faith-based families hold to a different and higher standard regarding the source of man’s problems and consequently hold a different standard regarding what it takes to fix those problems.
And that brings us back to our discussion. What is the “MK Experience” and why do we need to know what the Bible says about that experience?
MKs spend their early years of life absorbing countless cultural components while living in their host country. They labor to understand the customs, traditions, values, languages, and surroundings of their mission field. They learn to eat the food. They learn how to build friendships in other languages. They learn how to show honor in their host society. They learn to avoid behaviors that are considered rude or offensive. Many of them worship weekly in primitive conditions surrounded by animals, loud noises, and crazy traffic. Many learn that church worship is done while sitting on the floor or on cheap plastic chairs in a stuffy room filled with people who have never invested in a stick of deodorant.
As they absorb and internalize these components of their mission field culture, they often fail to simultaneously absorb and internalize the culture of their passport country to which they will someday return. Some parents inevitably don’t recognize the significance of teaching about their passport culture until one day they realize that their MKs have insides that don’t match their outsides. Their MKs look American on the outside, but they think and feel Kenyan/Malaysian/Brazilian/German/Japanese on the inside.
When those MKs come back to the States for furlough or college, the tension can begin to surface as they recognize how dramatically different they are from their peers back in the States. They don’t understand the customs, traditions, values and even language (slang) of their passport country. This leaves them feeling isolated, frustrated, misunderstood, and potentially judgmental toward the kids they interact with in the States.
Being 14 years old is hard enough. But being 14 while traveling to 35 churches and sitting in a new youth group and church service every week can be brutal. All the while, sweet little church ladies are saying things like “We’re so glad you’re home” or “I bet you’re glad to be home.”
Being 18 years old and leaving for college is rough. Being 18 and saying goodbye to your home(mission field), language, food, culture, pets, and family is nothing short of traumatic.
This is where church members in the U.S. desperately need to have wisdom to speak truth to MKs. Understand that the junior high MK who is dressed up in his suit looking miserable might actually be miserable. The teenage MK who is quiet and awkward is actually a confident, kind-hearted young lady who speaks three languages, drives a motorcycle, and has lived in five different countries. The college-aged MK may be putting on a good show in public, but they might be drowning in the chaos of learning how to be a college student while simultaneously trying to learn how to be “American” as well.
How can supporting church members be a blessing to the MKs they interact with?
- Ask good questions.
“He that answereth a matter before he heareth it, It is folly and shame unto him.” Proverbs 18:13
You can’t assume that an MK’s worldview matches the worldview of other kids in your church. Asking good questions shows an MK that, while you can never fully understand the world he or she lives in, you have a desire to understand. David Pollock once said “We know and are known by the telling of our stories”, and MKs all have a story to tell. You just have to know the right questions to ask.
Questions like “How many places have you lived in? What do you miss most about your mission field? What’s your favorite food here in the States?”
- Give encouragement.
“For which cause we faint not; but though our outward man perish, yet the inward man is renewed day by day.” 2 Corinthians 4:16
Tell the next MK you meet that you’re going to pray that their inner man will be renewed and built up day by day even through the challenging travel schedule of the MK experience. Your goal isn’t to teach them, but rather to let them know that there is a Bible-based promise of daily strength and that you are going to pray for God to help them taste and see that hope.
- Become familiar with the MK Experience.
My burden is to help familiarize supporting churches with the distinct challenges of being an MK and a couple of years ago I published a book called “MKs in Focus: Thinking Biblically About the MK Experience” for that very purpose.
We’ve allowed way too many MKs to pass through our church services without truly striving to understand their worldview and being a blessing to them. Let’s commit together to help MKs THRIVE and not just SURVIVE both on and after the mission field!
Matt Jones
The Joneses have been church planting missionaries in rural Thailand since 2007. In 2016, Matt and Courtney helped to start the Southeast Asia MK camp and have also participated in MK camps in Thailand, Cambodia, Indonesia, Peru, the U.S. (the Wilds), and South Africa (July 2025). The Joneses have four awesome children who all grew up in Thailand and one amazing granddaughter. You can find his book, “MKs in Focus: Thinking Biblically About the MK Experience”, on Amazon at https://a.co/d/86aEoKq.
