In 2015, our youngest son, Caleb, was diagnosed with epilepsy as a 6-month-old. After multiple doctor’s visits and different treatments, we were informed that his seizure activity had finally stopped. We were so grateful that things would be normal again.

But life would never be “normal” again. After seeking many pediatric specialists due to development concerns in Caleb, we were told in the summer of 2017 that our son was diagnosed with autism spectrum disorder. Later, we understood more specifically that Caleb was diagnosed with severe, level 3, non-verbal autism with global developmental delay. We were now faced with the end of the old “normal” and the start of a new one. How would we move forward? How would this affect our pastoral ministry? I remember thinking, “But this wasn’t the plan!”

As we dealt with the new challenges in our family, ministry burdens began to enter our lives. Over time, it became apparent that a change needed to happen. “But this wasn’t the plan!” we thought again. We were overwhelmed. Our home and ministry lives were being turned upside down at the same time. We knew that there would be challenges in life, but we had never planned for this.

I would love to share a few simple truths that we learned or were reminded of during the times that were so overwhelming and confusing for us.

1. We may not have the answers, but knowing the One Who does is all that matters.

There is nothing wrong with seeking answers to questions, but those answers don’t always come. We have learned that resting in the One Who does know all the answers and has created all things for His pleasure is what matters most. In John 9, we see the account of the man born blind. In response to the disciples’ question on who had sinned to cause the blindness, Christ provided a perspective that has resonated in our hearts for these almost 11 years of Caleb’s life.

”Jesus answered, Neither hath this man sinned, nor his parents: but that the works of God should be made manifest in him.” John 9:3

The phrase “made manifest” means “to be rendered apparent.” In other words, Christ was explaining that no one sinned for this to happen. This was done so that it would be rendered apparent to everyone that God was at work. I don’t have to have all the answers because I know there is a God at work.

2. Contentment is found in Christ, not in our circumstances.

When situations began to arise in the ministry that we were serving in, it unsettled us. We didn’t know why these things were happening and why certain decisions were being made. We even began to pray that the Lord would just move us on. We prayed that way for almost two years, yet we never had the leading of the Spirit to move. We finally got to a place where we began to settle and be content. What we discovered in the two years of silent responses to our prayers was that God’s Spirit had already spoken to us. We just needed to be content in Him and His Word. What we found was a settled peace that comes from knowing Christ more.

“That I may know him, and the power of his resurrection, and the fellowship of his sufferings, being made conformable unto his death;” Philippians 3:10

Paul recognized that all the accomplishments and positions and places he had been had nothing to offer compared to knowing Christ. Don’t focus on trying to discover the “what,” the “why,” or even the “how.” Do all you can to know the “Who.”

3. It is not about us.

In their book The Life We Never Expected, Andrew and Rachel Wilson share the story of their home life with two special needs kids. In one particular chapter, Andrew discusses the idea of “individualitis.” He says,

My special destiny as a believer is to be part of the church, and it is the church that is the big player in God’s wide plan, not me.

It may not be what “I had planned,” but the important thing is to trust God for His plan. Too often, we allow discouragement or circumstances to bring our focus onto ourselves. But it isn’t about us. It is about God and always has been. We were created for God, and because He is the sovereign One, He can do whatever He wants with whatever is His (Philippians 2:13). Trust His plan.

4. Reach out for help.

There have been too many times in life during times of discouragement or confusion that I would “keep it in” and try to figure it out on my own. What can often be the result of this approach is an emotional response that leads to unsettledness and even more discouragement. It can be easy to think that we are supposed to have it all together and that others will think less of us if we reach out for help. That pride will only lead to hurting yourself, your family, and the ministry God has called you to. I am grateful for how the Lord has directed me to connect with the right people at the right time. At times, it was a ministry friend, like Barnabas in the book of Acts. In other seasons, it was my church family that came alongside me. There have even been times when I have reached out to other ministries that are specifically designed to help those in need. As I get older in life and ministry, I am thankful for the wisdom given to me to reach out to others when I need help.

5. God is always and only good.

“Thou art good, and doest good; teach me thy statutes.” Psalm 119:68

Here is how Psalm 119:68 applies to our lives. God is good, and because He is good, He can only do good. Therefore, when something comes into my life that I do not understand, I can trust that God can use it in my life for good because God is good. When people mistreat me, God is good. When my kids hurt and struggle, God is good. When the questions go unanswered, God is good. When we pray for two years for something and God does not respond, God is good. God is always and only good. The song “You Are Always Good” is a powerful reminder that we can trust God’s plan for our lives even when life doesn’t make sense.

“Looking back, I can see Your fingerprints

upon my life, always seeking my best.

There were times when Your way would make no sense,

but as You said, You have never left.”

(Chris Anderson & Jonathan Hamilton, You Are Always Good)

I can promise you that there are many answers to questions we still do not have and may never have. A little over a year ago, Caleb’s seizures made an unexpected return after an eight-year absence. There are so many unknowns about our son’s health, and it seems with each new appointment that there are more unknowns added on. We still do not understand some of the ministry hurt and difficulties we experienced. But as we look back, we see a God who was at work, doing great things for His glory. We may not always understand why, but we can trust. We used to say, “But this isn’t the plan!” We now say, “We are thankful that God had a different plan!”